SCENE II
LEONATO’S garden.
[Enter BENEDICK and MARGARET, meeting]
BENEDICK
Pray thee, sweet Mistress Margaret, deserve well at my hands by helping me to the speech of Beatrice.
Pray thee, sweet Mistress Margaret, deserve well at my hands by helping me to the speech of Beatrice.
MARGARET
Will you then write me a sonnet in praise of my beauty?
Will you then write me a sonnet in praise of my beauty?
BENEDICK
In so high a style, Margaret, that no man living shall come over it; for, in most comely truth, thou deservest it.
In so high a style, Margaret, that no man living shall come over it; for, in most comely truth, thou deservest it.
MARGARET
To have no man come over me! why, shall I always keep below stairs?
To have no man come over me! why, shall I always keep below stairs?
BENEDICK
Thy wit is as quick as the greyhound’s mouth; it catches.
Thy wit is as quick as the greyhound’s mouth; it catches.
MARGARET
And yours as blunt as the fencer’s foils, which hit, but hurt not.
And yours as blunt as the fencer’s foils, which hit, but hurt not.
BENEDICK
A most manly wit, Margaret; it will not hurt a woman: and so, I pray thee, call Beatrice: I give thee the bucklers.
A most manly wit, Margaret; it will not hurt a woman: and so, I pray thee, call Beatrice: I give thee the bucklers.
MARGARET
Give us the swords; we have bucklers of our own.
Give us the swords; we have bucklers of our own.
BENEDICK
If you use them, Margaret, you must put in the pikes with a vice; and they are dangerous weapons for maids.
If you use them, Margaret, you must put in the pikes with a vice; and they are dangerous weapons for maids.
MARGARET
Well, I will call Beatrice to you, who I think hath legs.
Well, I will call Beatrice to you, who I think hath legs.
BENEDICK
And therefore will come.
And therefore will come.
[Exit MARGARET]
[Sings]
The god of love,
That sits above,
And knows me, and knows me,
How pitiful I deserve, –
That sits above,
And knows me, and knows me,
How pitiful I deserve, –
I mean in singing; but in loving, Leander the good swimmer, Troilus the first employer of panders, and a whole bookful of these quondam carpet-mangers, whose names yet run smoothly in the even road of a blank verse, why, they were never so truly turned over and over as my poor self in love. Marry, I cannot show it in rhyme; I have tried: I can find out no rhyme to ’lady’ but ’baby,’ an innocent rhyme; for ’scorn,’ ’horn,’ a hard rhyme; for, ’school,’ ’fool,’ a babbling rhyme; very ominous endings: no, I was not born under a rhyming planet, nor I cannot woo in festival terms.
[Enter BEATRICE]
Sweet Beatrice, wouldst thou come when I called thee?
BEATRICE
Yea, signior, and depart when you bid me.
Yea, signior, and depart when you bid me.
BENEDICK
O, stay but till then!
O, stay but till then!
BEATRICE
’Then’ is spoken; fare you well now: and yet, ere I go, let me go with that I came; which is, with knowing what hath passed between you and Claudio.
’Then’ is spoken; fare you well now: and yet, ere I go, let me go with that I came; which is, with knowing what hath passed between you and Claudio.
BENEDICK
Only foul words; and thereupon I will kiss thee.
Only foul words; and thereupon I will kiss thee.
BEATRICE
Foul words is but foul wind, and foul wind is but foul breath, and foul breath is noisome; therefore I will depart unkissed.
Foul words is but foul wind, and foul wind is but foul breath, and foul breath is noisome; therefore I will depart unkissed.
BENEDICK
Thou hast frighted the word out of his right sense, so forcible is thy wit. But I must tell thee plainly, Claudio undergoes my challenge; and either I must shortly hear from him, or I will subscribe him a coward. And, I pray thee now, tell me for which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me?
Thou hast frighted the word out of his right sense, so forcible is thy wit. But I must tell thee plainly, Claudio undergoes my challenge; and either I must shortly hear from him, or I will subscribe him a coward. And, I pray thee now, tell me for which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me?
BEATRICE
For them all together; which maintained so politic a state of evil that they will not admit any good part to intermingle with them. But for which of my good parts did you first suffer love for me?
For them all together; which maintained so politic a state of evil that they will not admit any good part to intermingle with them. But for which of my good parts did you first suffer love for me?
BENEDICK
Suffer love! a good epithet! I do suffer love indeed, for I love thee against my will.
Suffer love! a good epithet! I do suffer love indeed, for I love thee against my will.
BEATRICE
In spite of your heart, I think; alas, poor heart! If you spite it for my sake, I will spite it for yours; for I will never love that which my friend hates.
In spite of your heart, I think; alas, poor heart! If you spite it for my sake, I will spite it for yours; for I will never love that which my friend hates.
BENEDICK
Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably.
Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably.
BEATRICE
It appears not in this confession: there’s not one wise man among twenty that will praise himself.
It appears not in this confession: there’s not one wise man among twenty that will praise himself.
BENEDICK
An old, an old instance, Beatrice, that lived in the lime of good neighbours. If a man do not erect in this age his own tomb ere he dies, he shall live no longer in monument than the bell rings and the widow weeps.
An old, an old instance, Beatrice, that lived in the lime of good neighbours. If a man do not erect in this age his own tomb ere he dies, he shall live no longer in monument than the bell rings and the widow weeps.
BEATRICE
And how long is that, think you?
And how long is that, think you?
BENEDICK
Question: why, an hour in clamour and a quarter in rheum: therefore is it most expedient for the wise, if Don Worm, his conscience, find no impediment to the contrary, to be the trumpet of his own virtues, as I am to myself. So much for praising myself, who, I myself will bear witness, is praiseworthy: and now tell me, how doth your cousin?
Question: why, an hour in clamour and a quarter in rheum: therefore is it most expedient for the wise, if Don Worm, his conscience, find no impediment to the contrary, to be the trumpet of his own virtues, as I am to myself. So much for praising myself, who, I myself will bear witness, is praiseworthy: and now tell me, how doth your cousin?
BEATRICE
Very ill.
Very ill.
BENEDICK
And how do you?
And how do you?
BEATRICE
Very ill too.
Very ill too.
BENEDICK
Serve God, love me and mend. There will I leave you too, for here comes one in haste.
Serve God, love me and mend. There will I leave you too, for here comes one in haste.
[Enter URSULA]
URSULA
Madam, you must come to your uncle. Yonder’s old coil at home: it is proved my Lady Hero hath been falsely accused, the prince and Claudio mightily abused; and Don John is the author of all, who is fed and gone. Will you come presently?
Madam, you must come to your uncle. Yonder’s old coil at home: it is proved my Lady Hero hath been falsely accused, the prince and Claudio mightily abused; and Don John is the author of all, who is fed and gone. Will you come presently?
BEATRICE
Will you go hear this news, signior?
Will you go hear this news, signior?
BENEDICK
I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eyes; and moreover I will go with thee to thy uncle’s.
I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eyes; and moreover I will go with thee to thy uncle’s.
[Exeunt]
