SCENE I
London. A street.
[Enter Corporal NYM and Lieutenant BARDOLPH]
BARDOLPH
Well met, Corporal Nym.
Well met, Corporal Nym.
NYM
Good morrow, Lieutenant Bardolph.
Good morrow, Lieutenant Bardolph.
BARDOLPH
What, are Ancient Pistol and you friends yet?
What, are Ancient Pistol and you friends yet?
NYM
For my part, I care not: I say little; but when time shall serve, there shall be smiles; but that shall be as it may. I dare not fight; but I will wink and hold out mine iron: it is a simple one; but what though? it will toast cheese, and it will endure cold as another man’s sword will: and there’s an end.
For my part, I care not: I say little; but when time shall serve, there shall be smiles; but that shall be as it may. I dare not fight; but I will wink and hold out mine iron: it is a simple one; but what though? it will toast cheese, and it will endure cold as another man’s sword will: and there’s an end.
BARDOLPH
I will bestow a breakfast to make you friends; and we’ll be all three sworn brothers to France: let it be so, good Corporal Nym.
I will bestow a breakfast to make you friends; and we’ll be all three sworn brothers to France: let it be so, good Corporal Nym.
NYM
Faith, I will live so long as I may, that’s the certain of it; and when I cannot live any longer, I will do as I may: that is my rest, that is the rendezvous of it.
Faith, I will live so long as I may, that’s the certain of it; and when I cannot live any longer, I will do as I may: that is my rest, that is the rendezvous of it.
BARDOLPH
It is certain, corporal, that he is married to Nell Quickly: and certainly she did you wrong; for you were troth-plight to her.
It is certain, corporal, that he is married to Nell Quickly: and certainly she did you wrong; for you were troth-plight to her.
NYM
I cannot tell: things must be as they may: men may sleep, and they may have their throats about them at that time; and some say knives have edges. It must be as it may: though patience be a tired mare, yet she will plod. There must be conclusions. Well, I cannot tell.
I cannot tell: things must be as they may: men may sleep, and they may have their throats about them at that time; and some say knives have edges. It must be as it may: though patience be a tired mare, yet she will plod. There must be conclusions. Well, I cannot tell.
[Enter PISTOL and Hostess]
BARDOLPH
Here comes Ancient Pistol and his wife: good corporal, be patient here. How now, mine host Pistol!
Here comes Ancient Pistol and his wife: good corporal, be patient here. How now, mine host Pistol!
PISTOL
Base tike, call’st thou me host? Now, by this hand, I swear, I scorn the term; Nor shall my Nell keep lodgers.
Base tike, call’st thou me host? Now, by this hand, I swear, I scorn the term; Nor shall my Nell keep lodgers.
Hostess
No, by my troth, not long; for we cannot lodge and board a dozen or fourteen gentlewomen that live honestly by the prick of their needles, but it will be thought we keep a bawdy house straight.
No, by my troth, not long; for we cannot lodge and board a dozen or fourteen gentlewomen that live honestly by the prick of their needles, but it will be thought we keep a bawdy house straight.
[NYM and PISTOL draw]
O well a day, Lady, if he be not drawn now! we shall see wilful adultery and murder committed.
BARDOLPH
Good lieutenant! good corporal! offer nothing here.
Good lieutenant! good corporal! offer nothing here.
NYM
Pish!
Pish!
PISTOL
Pish for thee, Iceland dog! thou prick-ear’d cur of Iceland!
Pish for thee, Iceland dog! thou prick-ear’d cur of Iceland!
Hostess
Good Corporal Nym, show thy valour, and put up your sword.
Good Corporal Nym, show thy valour, and put up your sword.
NYM
Will you shog off? I would have you solus.
Will you shog off? I would have you solus.
PISTOL
’Solus,’ egregious dog? O viper vile!
The ’solus’ in thy most mervailous face;
The ’solus’ in thy teeth, and in thy throat,
And in thy hateful lungs, yea, in thy maw, perdy,
And, which is worse, within thy nasty mouth!
I do retort the ’solus’ in thy bowels;
For I can take, and Pistol’s cock is up,
And flashing fire will follow.
’Solus,’ egregious dog? O viper vile!
The ’solus’ in thy most mervailous face;
The ’solus’ in thy teeth, and in thy throat,
And in thy hateful lungs, yea, in thy maw, perdy,
And, which is worse, within thy nasty mouth!
I do retort the ’solus’ in thy bowels;
For I can take, and Pistol’s cock is up,
And flashing fire will follow.
NYM
I am not Barbason; you cannot conjure me. I have an humour to knock you indifferently well. If you grow foul with me, Pistol, I will scour you with my rapier, as I may, in fair terms: if you would walk off, I would prick your guts a little, in good terms, as I may: and that’s the humour of it.
I am not Barbason; you cannot conjure me. I have an humour to knock you indifferently well. If you grow foul with me, Pistol, I will scour you with my rapier, as I may, in fair terms: if you would walk off, I would prick your guts a little, in good terms, as I may: and that’s the humour of it.
PISTOL
O braggart vile and damned furious wight!
The grave doth gape, and doting death is near;
Therefore exhale.
O braggart vile and damned furious wight!
The grave doth gape, and doting death is near;
Therefore exhale.
BARDOLPH
Hear me, hear me what I say: he that strikes the first stroke, I’ll run him up to the hilts, as I am a soldier.
Hear me, hear me what I say: he that strikes the first stroke, I’ll run him up to the hilts, as I am a soldier.
[Draws]
PISTOL
An oath of mickle might; and fury shall abate.
Give me thy fist, thy fore-foot to me give:
Thy spirits are most tall.
An oath of mickle might; and fury shall abate.
Give me thy fist, thy fore-foot to me give:
Thy spirits are most tall.
NYM
I will cut thy throat, one time or other, in fair terms: that is the humour of it.
I will cut thy throat, one time or other, in fair terms: that is the humour of it.
PISTOL
’Couple a gorge!’
That is the word. I thee defy again.
O hound of Crete, think’st thou my spouse to get?
No; to the spital go,
And from the powdering tub of infamy
Fetch forth the lazar kite of Cressid’s kind,
Doll Tearsheet she by name, and her espouse:
I have, and I will hold, the quondam Quickly
For the only she; and – pauca, there’s enough. Go to.
’Couple a gorge!’
That is the word. I thee defy again.
O hound of Crete, think’st thou my spouse to get?
No; to the spital go,
And from the powdering tub of infamy
Fetch forth the lazar kite of Cressid’s kind,
Doll Tearsheet she by name, and her espouse:
I have, and I will hold, the quondam Quickly
For the only she; and – pauca, there’s enough. Go to.
[Enter the Boy]
Boy
Mine host Pistol, you must come to my master, and you, hostess: he is very sick, and would to bed. Good Bardolph, put thy face between his sheets, and do the office of a warming-pan. Faith, he’s very ill.
Mine host Pistol, you must come to my master, and you, hostess: he is very sick, and would to bed. Good Bardolph, put thy face between his sheets, and do the office of a warming-pan. Faith, he’s very ill.
BARDOLPH
Away, you rogue!
Away, you rogue!
Hostess
By my troth, he’ll yield the crow a pudding one of these days. The king has killed his heart. Good husband, come home presently.
By my troth, he’ll yield the crow a pudding one of these days. The king has killed his heart. Good husband, come home presently.
[Exeunt Hostess and Boy]
BARDOLPH
Come, shall I make you two friends? We must to France together: why the devil should we keep knives to cut one another’s throats?
Come, shall I make you two friends? We must to France together: why the devil should we keep knives to cut one another’s throats?
PISTOL
Let floods o’erswell, and fiends for food howl on!
Let floods o’erswell, and fiends for food howl on!
NYM
You’ll pay me the eight shillings I won of you at betting?
You’ll pay me the eight shillings I won of you at betting?
PISTOL
Base is the slave that pays.
Base is the slave that pays.
NYM
That now I will have: that’s the humour of it.
That now I will have: that’s the humour of it.
PISTOL
As manhood shall compound: push home.
As manhood shall compound: push home.
[They draw]
BARDOLPH
By this sword, he that makes the first thrust, I’ll kill him; by this sword, I will.
By this sword, he that makes the first thrust, I’ll kill him; by this sword, I will.
PISTOL
Sword is an oath, and oaths must have their course.
Sword is an oath, and oaths must have their course.
BARDOLPH
Corporal Nym, an thou wilt be friends, be friends: an thou wilt not, why, then, be enemies with me too. Prithee, put up.
Corporal Nym, an thou wilt be friends, be friends: an thou wilt not, why, then, be enemies with me too. Prithee, put up.
NYM
I shall have my eight shillings I won of you at betting?
I shall have my eight shillings I won of you at betting?
PISTOL
A noble shalt thou have, and present pay;
And liquor likewise will I give to thee,
And friendship shall combine, and brotherhood:
I’ll live by Nym, and Nym shall live by me;
Is not this just? for I shall sutler be
Unto the camp, and profits will accrue.
Give me thy hand.
A noble shalt thou have, and present pay;
And liquor likewise will I give to thee,
And friendship shall combine, and brotherhood:
I’ll live by Nym, and Nym shall live by me;
Is not this just? for I shall sutler be
Unto the camp, and profits will accrue.
Give me thy hand.
NYM
I shall have my noble?
I shall have my noble?
PISTOL
In cash most justly paid.
In cash most justly paid.
NYM
Well, then, that’s the humour of’t.
Well, then, that’s the humour of’t.
[Re-enter Hostess]
Hostess
As ever you came of women, come in quickly to Sir John. Ah, poor heart! he is so shaked of a burning quotidian tertian, that it is most lamentable to behold. Sweet men, come to him.
As ever you came of women, come in quickly to Sir John. Ah, poor heart! he is so shaked of a burning quotidian tertian, that it is most lamentable to behold. Sweet men, come to him.
NYM
The king hath run bad humours on the knight; that’s the even of it.
The king hath run bad humours on the knight; that’s the even of it.
PISTOL
Nym, thou hast spoke the right;
His heart is fracted and corroborate.
Nym, thou hast spoke the right;
His heart is fracted and corroborate.
NYM
The king is a good king: but it must be as it may; he passes some humours and careers.
The king is a good king: but it must be as it may; he passes some humours and careers.
PISTOL
Let us condole the knight; for, lambkins we will live.
Let us condole the knight; for, lambkins we will live.
